Last year I caught the father drinking and driving twice well his witnesses one the big beak gf and the other his punk friends wife who wasnt even there vouched for him because the cops didnt catch him on time. Father Wants Baby Overnight. It is the right of the child to have a relationship with her father and that should include overnight stays. When father-infant contacts include overnights after parents separate, we see a lower incidence of father absenteeism when compared to father-infant contacts that were restricted to the daytime. He also comes home with bruises, diaper rashes and one time he appeared to be drugged to the point he couldnt even sit up. It gives the noncustodial parent more time with the baby, while also giving the custodial parent time to catch up on some (probably much-needed) sleep. I wanted to have custody of our son, but my wifes family has FAR more money than me, and she knows how to play her cards well, given everything that Ive taught her about raising children (Ive helped to raise my nephew, and read countless books and medical journals on child rearing and developmental psychology, so I always have to help her when shes for example wondering why he screams when she gives him a bath that shes drawn, and hasnt thought to take into consideration that he doesnt enjoy the scalding-hot bathing that she does). Leaving your baby overnight can trigger a roller coaster of emotions, but it may be a good thing for both of you. The parent-child relationship The child's age Ensuring stability in the child's life The child's physical and mental health needs Suspected child abuse, neglect or abandonment In some states, the judge must consider the child's preference. She is still breast feeding and no bottles can be made from my breasts. A non-resident parent who does not pay maintenance is still entitled to see their child. Sometimes you just cant do it all yourself. I would stick to what you are doing, going to his parents and sharing the time you and him both have with her. Don't get me wrong he is a great dad and I want him to bond with the baby as much as possible but I just don't think sharing 50/50 time with a newborn is good for the baby or me considering I will be breastfeeding and the baby will more than likely have attachment issues if i let this happen. Wait until the child is two or three and is able to truly prepare for a different process of going asleep, Dr. Fox said. Her third birthday came around and I had evicted my roommate to give our daughter her own room. The Father is constantly telling lies on Kayla, my Grandaughter and it seems no matter how much evidence Kayla supplies to prove he is lying, he still gets everything he wants. I don't see why other people get so involved tbh [to be honest]. Hi all, My 71/2 year old son has told me that he no longer wishes to stay over at his dads. What can we do. In the rush to get to hospital once contractions kick in it's easy to forget essentials like your glasses or contact lenses as well as your contact lens solution if you are likely to be in hospital overnight. Stevens father demands overnight visitations and the courts system grants his wish. The one whod hand the baby to me to breastfeed, just so I wouldnt have to get out of bed myself. I completely condemn mothers who see their children as their property and think it's them being nice when they "allow" the dad's to "visit" their children. And Michigan courts find nothing wrong with this picture! Every child is different and some need longer than others! The father does not understand how important it is for the baby to be with the mother at least for the first few months, he thinks I am just being selfish and trying to get him out of the picture which is not what I am trying to do at all. You do what suits you," wrote one commenter who wants the poster to know that it's perfectly fine to do whatever makes her feel comfortable, a sentiment echoed by many who responded to her post. Many parents take turnsmom does the feedings one night while dad does the next. The fact that he cheated on you with his new partner is a bitter pill to swallow but it is completely irrelevant to the issue of contact. Some factors may negatively affect whether your child can handle overnight visits with the father, though, such as: Breastfeeding exclusively; High infant anxiety; Male gender Previously low level of paternal involvement Meet other parents here. Her and her husband, Bob, an attorney, are co-authoring a new book, Who to Marry? I am breastfeeding and co-sleep with my child. Thank you. Taking her to the doctor? Its an enormous amount of stress on a young childs emotional capabilities. I dont understand why shes so different every time she comes back home. Some parents and therapists believe that getting infants and small children used to small separations away from their primary caregiver helps to prepare a child for overnight visitations. She was attached at my hip and wanted no one else to hold her. My child is 4 months old and has no relationship with his father. She is a mom to 4 busy kids who keep her on the go. The one thing that kept me sane? Hmm the previous advice you say you got from legal aid is not in accordance with the family law act. She still isnt comfortable staying the night with him. Thank you! My daughter is not disrupted if I get up in the middle of the night, or get up early to make breakfast for her. You can't refuse contact because they don't pay sufficient, or any, maintenance. I spoke to someone there about a different matter a few weeks ago and they were really helpful. He cancelled most of the visitation. Mom then picks up our daughter at 9:30pm and takes her back to boyfriends house. What is the longest you have gone, in a relationship, without sex and why?? Where do you go for Attachment Parenting support? Youll also get my newsletters, which parents say they LOVE: Keep sending the emails. Hello Im in a situation where I cannot compromise with my son dad also. They are 2 and a half and 3 months at the time. Dr. Fox warns of this advice, especially with the younger child: I think three or four year olds can have small separations like going to a preschool or something else during the day, but overnights are a big deal!. The schedule was working well to reintroduce my parenting into our daughters life. She came to no harm, and will not remember it but it was the biggest mistake i have ever made. I understand all of you, Im sorry you all are going through these custody battles. I pumped as much as I could but my body just didn't give milk without the stimulation of a baby and I ended up losing my milk. Of course he wants me around him and he is by my side evryother weekend his Mother has him. Night and day visitations have very different impacts on a young child, Dr. Fox said. Grandma picks her up at 6:30pm. This has established a trust in him that he doesnt have to worry about being hungry, thirsty, or scared, because I will always be there to comfort him. How old should a child be before overnight stay, Stay in the loop with our daily NEWS email, I have read and understood Netmums' Privacy Notice and Terms & Conditions. The one Id hand the baby to for burping after each session and putting him back down in the crib. Perhaps make an appointment with your midwife or a lc who can explain it to him. The director in the last parenting class told him he was controlling and not trying to do the best for the child. Big hugs mumma, Don't worry he won't get this as she a new born and needs her mum xx even if u wasn't to Breast feed it's still a no xx. But with him returning to work before I did, I was more than grateful that he continued to wake up in the middle of the nights with me. Nothing on APIs website should be construed as medical or legal advice. he lives in cheshire.. about 2 hours from me and works a hell of a lot through theweek. Really at a loss he seems to really disagree with me. He gets the biggest smile and runs as fast as her can towards me every time he sees me, and I can still soothe him more effectively than anyone else. "It's totally up to you but if they're offering I personally would JUMP at the chance. Perhaps the baby cries with daddy at night, leaving both of you feeling defeated and sleep-deprived, instead of bonded over a common mission. Free resource: Do you struggle with getting your newborn to sleep? We continued to have conflict and long story short I left for good. For dad to be able to sleep through the night signals that his job is more important than moms, which may not be necessarily true. I have to reiterate how important it is to talk directly to Dad, without blame or accusation, and definitely don't question the child. Just asking the question. The constant crying, the inability to soothe a screaming baby back to sleep, scrambling to zip those pajamas. It is important to minimize the stress that will naturally be experienced by infants and toddlers when separations occur with visitation and custody arrangements. It is breaking our hearts. 5-2 Days Schedule. Parents involved in this stressful situation believe that overnight visitation is harmful not only to their individual attachment with the child but also to the childs overall development. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. What can I do in court to find common ground and understanding? Fear, Disconnect & Shame. Well, he kept getting his way and eventually got 50/50. He shouldn't have to come to your place for contact either. YOU have to become your childs legal advocate, especially if you dont have an attorney. I Think he thinks that i am saying that he cant have her overnight so i know what he is doing etc but tbh ive never been like that, im not about to put my personal life in the way of my daughter bonding with her dad, but im also not prepared to leave her overnight. Hi sorry am gatecrashing from PAM but I started going out with my DH when his daughter was 3 months old (they'd separated 6 months before). Inevitably, some parents will have to deal with shared custody and overnight visitations of their children at the non-primary caregivers home. Now my childs father still lives with his parents and hes 20 years old. Even after i'd had lily, i didnt want him driving home [it was half 4 in the morning when he left the hospital] As he was knackered and i worry about people driving when tired its so dangerous, he wouldnt even go to my dads then to get a couple of hours sleep. Yesterday he announced it is his "right" to have her overnight from time to time. Then I go to my sleeping place. And it is the isolated few, economically sound, psychologically grounded and regionally secure, as well as surrounded by allo-parents of all sorts who are also grounded, that can pull off co-parenting, The rest are mostly creating more clientele for the drug companies, by expanding the pool of ADHD, ADD, anxiety-prone, and stressed out little humans to need more professional paternalistic services to help them attain some level of functionality. Probably the most talked-about tension surrounding shared custody is when the courts system grants overnight visitation rights of an infant or young child to the parent who is not the primary caregiver, so that a baby who is accustomed to cosleeping and nursing at night is forced to be separated from the primary caregiver and put into the care of the parent who may be reluctant to continue attachment-promoting practices. During the investigation, the judge may allow the accused parent to spend time with your children. The first thing the judge said was that they were far too young for overnight stays. The last time she insisted on waving us out the door and that she could settle him. He doesnt visit every Thursday sometimes and drops her off anytime. Can you please help us with our research on AI for embryo selection. But often, caring for the baby is just as difficult, if not more so, than our day jobs. A robe would be helpful, too. I was so happy having my son be the first thing I saw when I woke up every morning, and she refuses to let him sleep at my house overnight, her excuse being that he needs to nurse at night (hes over 14 months now). Teach the non-primary caregiver how to put the child down for a daytime nap to ease into the bedtime routine. 3. I apologize if Im digressing. My wife and I have been separated for about 6 months now, and have finally finished the divorce this month. We consistently fail to look in the mirror. The middle of the night wake ups were the worst during the early days. In the meantime, make a newborn visitation schedule to temporarily arrange for the baby to spend time with their father (unless the child wouldn't be safe). My Granddaughter has a 1-year-old child. Good luck x, Dont worry, he won't be able to have the baby overnight. Where a father will not pay child maintenance. So sad and worried. The trauma an infant or young child can experience is related to the threat to the attachment bond, not to the biological role of each parent. the child is bettr off as he was in and out and walked out on me two times. So we stay at his parents when im up there with lily, Which isnt a big deal or anything - there house is huge. Please consider a moral life based on Gods beautiful laws meant to protect us. The baby needs a dad too. Despite these circumstances, both mom and dad benefit when they wake up to tend to the baby throughout the night, in one way or another. Home Community Family life Mums and dads chat Mums and dads chat Meet other parents here. I feel maybe when she is a little bit older as she has never been used to anyone but me. My daughter is 6, a has been having court odered visitation for over 4 years. Every new dad wants to see their newborn baby in focus, so don't leave these essentials off your packing list. Mediation what happens if you refuse to attend? He wasn't looked after by anyone other than a parent until he was 5 (almost 6 months)," wrote one commenter before admitting that she too was often judged for her choice. So I offer a short and frequent time but being the person that he is, he refused and wants it his way only. Isabelle Fox, PhD, a psychotherapist, author of Being There, renowned expert on APIs Principle of Providing Consistent and Loving Care, and a member of APIs Advisory Board, wants to leave parents with the truth that, yes, overnight visitations can be quite harmful to the young childbut that, unfortunately, the courts system is woefully behind on education in this arena of child development. I am going to a University 60 miles further than the almost 60 miles already this sob served me 2 days before I had a hearing I was at orientation he put a status quo another pos judge that feels so bad for him that hell do all the driving so he is making me meet up halfway for following my dream I have make an extra step to do something he should be doing. Still, Im sure we can all agree that caring for a baby can be much harder than paid work. I never knew being a mother would be so demanding. Every parent should know these 'secret' developmental milestones. Than put her in a car of unlicensed driver and no car seat. Honestly though how much do fathers actually do in the beginning. When one parent moves out of the house, and out of the family dynamic, that poses a major break or disruption in attachment that, if not handled sensitively, can cause long-term damage to the childs emotional health and ability to maintain healthy relationships. Don't get me wrong I do want dd to spend time with her dad and this will incluse overnight stays when she is a bit older. You wont feel like youre constantly delegating instructions because he knows just as much about the babys needs. This page may contain affiliate links, which means we may earn a small amount of money if you click through and make a purchase.All articles are written independently by the Netmums editorial team. Courts are very fair and equitable in what to give to each parent, Dr. Fox said, but a child is not a bank account to be divided.. In years past, the courts never took children away from their mothers until three or four years old. Its a horrible double standard. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I should do in my current situation since I know legal aid and mediation will just be dismissive of my situation? Get VIP Login. 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